10.9.06

No sign of drizzle.


I hereby announce that a bit of wake and bake at 10.30am will fuck you up. Which, I hasten to remind you, is good. Very good. I raise an inquisitive eyebrow in your general direction.

One of the few things that blows my gauges is fucked-up product packaging. I noticed just before I left England that drinks' manufacturers were introducing those bottles with a tubed cap, so you have to hold it away from your mouth and squeeze the bottle to get anything out. Just like pro athletes do on the pitch, filling their mouths and then spitting violently, and then even spraying some over their heads. Fucking drama queen cunts. Did you see Beckham in England's last game of the world cup? What a fucking muppet. Anyway, those bottles are fucking shit, and the marketing dillon who started it needs a slap.

(Walking down the street, sees a friend). "Hey man, hizzle bizzle?"
"Oh it's good, yo, I'm making a lizzle of mizzle".
"Excellent. I've gotta go so I'll sizzle you lizzle".
"Bye".

It'a damn shame that Snoop Dogg's '-izzle-speak' fell out of favour so quickly. I like simplistic stupidity. It was originally a gang thing in LA I think. Someone probably told him to tell everybody to stop using it or he'd get shot in the face.

Talking of being shot in the face, have you seen the state of Mickey Rourke? What the Christ has he done to himself?

Okay, let's get to the meat of this thing: Steve Irwin was a bit of a knob, really, wasn't he? His death is very sad, don't get me wrong. I read somewhere someone saying they would have liked to go drinking with him. Fuck me, you're welcome to each other and you can leave me the fuck out of it. Drinking with him would have been fucking awful. And he supported John Howard. As I say though, very sad.

It is an incredible morning here, sunshine and a clear freshness in the air. I am not a cunt, therefore instead of sitting here typing like a complete one, I am off out to revel in it. I have spoken.

Sirrah!

"I wouldn't know a snowy egret if I was pissing on one". Jack Nicholson

11 Comments:

At 12:48 pm, Blogger daveawayfromhome said...

Worse than the squeeze drink bottles is the condiment/salad dressing bottles that have that little puckered asshole-like opening; the ones that have no slow-little-bit rate, just a squeeze and sudden gush of whatever, hope you like a lot, hurry back to buy more.

 
At 7:24 pm, Anonymous knightie said...

The eagle has landed. I believe you are aware that I have just spent the last six weeks in a Thai prison for a small bag i bought ten years ago.There was not a beer to be had and the rats ate me food. I believe you have a ph number for me cause I don't know shit about you except your fucked up ramblings of course. Phone me. I leave for return to the rock on Wednesday.
knightie xx

 
At 5:24 am, Anonymous bignosecumming said...

ah..the man arises..pardon the slightly biblical reference...just the bollocks...like the look of breakfast...and the clear..ah fresh mornings..you cunt..good to know your feet are still attached to your legs and your head to neck..or so..love big nose cumming

 
At 6:42 pm, Blogger ascoltare said...

i feel like i'm due some serious bad karma. the other week i was saying to a mate i wish steve irwin would get eaten, 3 days later he died. i also said something simular about my manager, he's now left from what i percieve as mysterious circumstances. this ain't no shit! i have some weird power that i have yet to harness for good.

great blog btw, loving your use of the word cunt, which never strays to far from the word media. very refreshing and quite agree with many of your sentiments relating to this subject.......

 
At 12:32 am, Anonymous g. said...

Mickey Rourke has the face of a dogs arse.

Steve Irwin; rizzle in pizzle

 
At 2:19 am, Blogger Dr Maroon said...

http://capetorio.blogspot.com/

Are you going to the party?
Are you going to the Boston Tea Party?

Redcoats in the village
There's fighting in the streets
The Indians and the
mountain men, well
They are talking when they meet
The king has said he's gonna put a tax on tea
And that's the reason you all Americans drink coffee

Are you going to the party?
Are you going to the Boston Tea Party?

 
At 4:09 am, Blogger Kieran said...

No, you're not a cunt. Well done. That partying Dr Maroon gets everywhere. A bit like a disease, but a good one. I saw The Shining for the first time last week. That mother - she is the most annoying thing I've ever witnessed. It's a crime that we did't get to see Nicholson smash her face in with an axe. Perhaps he gets her in the Shining 2. That little kid was a bit clever though. I liked his spirit.

You cunt.

 
At 8:51 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Right, you fucker... on Thursday, September 14, 2006, at 1:12:22 AM, you visited my gaff and posted the following comment:

"Post something you cunt"

Despite finding it highly amusing that Mr Sporadic should act the pot to my black kettle I obliged and posted again that very day. And have since posted again 3 further times. So now I put this to you, sir...

POST SOMETHING YOU CUNT!

 
At 3:13 am, Blogger Haden Powell said...

that picture makes me want to fukin kill americans

 
At 3:15 am, Blogger Foot Eater said...

He's just sulking because it's taken us so long to start nagging him.

I reckon we kidnap him, shave his balls, fill him with lager, bung him up in a full-body plaster cast and put him on a plane to Riyadh.

 
At 1:43 pm, Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

Wow, Footie, you really know how to party.

No, it's official, he should post, should he not? I've read through his entire archives, and I'm addicted.

 

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