All Hail Bitches!

Well fuck me but it's a funny old game. I had just turned thirty, and one day came to a profound realization. (Before I flesh out that scintilating opening salvo, let me just remind you I am a right dizzy cunt. I am, in fact, a fucking retard in many respects. The inability to be objective immediately springs to mind, much to the scorn of my scientificasious friends I'm sure).

Christ. Anyway, it struck me. For the last ten years, I had been single for six months. Five relationships. Does that ever happen to you? It's like for a weird moment you can just 'see' yourself. And you go, "Fucking hell, what sort of cunt do I think I am anyway?"

Six months in ten years. "Brewski", I said to myself, "it is time for centering, to come back to yourself, to learn more of who you are as a man alone under the firmanent". 'Bout eighteen months later I fucking did it again. Which would indicate how seriously I take myself.

Born of my lapse however was a deep and lasting friendship, which I wouldn't have missed for naught. It is indeed a rich fucking tapestry, and women rule the world, the delicious hussies.

Sirrah!

"I quite like that Brewski fella. Makes me feel all funny". Your Mum