The Inner Wisdom of the Learned Teacher

Here is my lesson plan that I dictated last week to my Guided Writing class, entitled 'The Only Constant is Change'. I know, but fucking cut me some slack. I've been teaching this class for over a year, and the fucking well is running dry. Accompanying it are my ruminations at the same moment. In italics. Babel-fish stylee.

Describe how you think Demented Isle has changed in your lifetime.
"Describe how you think Demented Isle got to be so fucking mental.

What do you find difficult about modern life?
"What do you find difficult about modern life, apart from my Christ-awful teaching?"

What do you think have been positive changes?
"What do you think about clutching at fucking straws?"

How have you changed, do you think?
"How have you changed, or is it quite possible you've always been a muppet?"

If you've changed, has it been a gradual process, or have certain events precipitated change?
"Have you become excruciatingly dull over time, or did you one day suddenly get your head kicked in?"

What changes can you see in Demented Isle's future?
"What changes can you see in Demented Isle's future, seeing as the place is a U.S. bargaining chip, has an utterly dysfunctional government, and as such is fucked?"

Have you ever (idiom) turned over a new leaf?
"Have you ever turned over a new leaf, or do you have an ego the size of New York and consequently cannot fathom your own myriad faults and shortcomings?"

How have your friends and family changed?
"How have your friends and family changed, and how are they faring under the bitter yoke of your acquaintance?"

And finally, do you favour the status quo, or do you embrace change?
"Fucking hell. I wish you would stop looking at me like that. I need a drink. What the fuck time is it?"

Yes Bob. The noun 'mail' is uncountable and cannot be used with the indefinite article 'an'. The countable noun 'message' must be used.
"MMmmm. Think I'll go with the Kirin tonight. Those cheeky pachenko-lovers. Oooh. Smoke. One big skin or two? Two you cunt!"

Ok everyone time's up, you can give your papers to me for correction. Thanks for coming, and I hope I see you next time.
"I'm off home to get right mashed up. Laters".

Sirrah!

"I have just wasted three! minutes of my life". You, a second ago.