Moore's Law. Fucking hell!

Technology. A right head-doer or what? I'm constantly fucking dumbfounded by it, as I'm quite the innocent in that regard. Dumb as a box of rocks in fact. I like it that way however, since I'm constantly pleasantly surprised by it, like a retard re-learning how to use a spoon everyday. Every morning, after twenty minutes of throwing cereal and milk around the kitchen, he finally directs the spoon to his cake-hole. "Well fuck me!", he thinks to himself. "These spoon things are the business!".

In about 1991 my mate Steve was the first one of my friends to get a cell phone, being, as he was, a wide-boy. He came to my apartment one afternoon and we smoked a chunky cone, resulting in the raging munchies. He went to the local shop to get some chocolate-chip cookies. Mmmm. He left the phone on the living-room floor. It was an early model of course, the size of a brick in a sinister black leather case. While he was gone, fuck me sideways but the fucking thing rang, chirping like an asphyxiated chirping thing. The screen and keypad glowed Blade Runner-green. I jumped, regarding it with wonder and suspicion. I circled it cautiously. "But how?", I thought. "There's no fucking wires or cables or anything. This is sorcery and magic!" I felt like intoning a spell to ward off evil or some shit. Eventually I steeled myself and picked it up. After pushing all the buttons, swearing and giving it a good shake, the chirping stopped. I've loved technology and it's astronomical development ever since, apart from those 'Dance, Dance' machines you find in amusement arcades. Those are for cunts!

Sirrah!

"Jumping Jesus, Holy cow, what's the difference anyhow"? David Gray