11.10.06

Everybody must get stoned


Yeah so anyways if you've ever received a large inheritance after the death of a loved one you know how fucking bittersweet it is. Yeah you can throw down mad cheddar on the big ass LCD TV, the xbox 360, furniture etc. You can go into the grocery store and just buy up all that shit. You can live for a few years not having to think about cash at all. It's all fresher than what's in a ziplock. But all shadowed of course by the absence of the departed. In death she supports me. Turn the clock back, take back this money and all this fucking stuff, and be in your kitchen pouring me a glass of red and talking drunken Irish shit. Jesus Christ grief can just fuck off.

This blog is exactly one year old in five days. A year?! Fuck me will someone turn off the fast-forward?

Here's something that will brighten your day - geoduck farming. Hold that thought.

As part of my sociological curiosity I've been watching N.American cable TV, eating Cheetos and caning beers while shouting "Fuck all y'all" at regular intervals to noone in particular. I bought a recliner by the way, which I can state with absolute confidence is the best chair in the world. Feet up, literally enfolded in the softness, ocean and mountains out the window to the left, 360 loaded up with Saints Row, big spliff, come on.

I haven't shaved in three months! Call the cops!

My bank balance is so weird. Never in my life have I had savings, or earnt any significant amounts. Now I see commercials for things and I'm like 'fuck me I could buy that'. It's all abstract though since I'm about as materialistic as a sadhu. And about as stoned.

What in fuck can I harp on about now. I know. Why is Jameson's my favourite whiskey and yet the most adept at transforming me into the most argumentative cocksucker that ever drew breath? (After a few shots) ....

You: I had a really busy day at work today.
Me: No you fucking well did not.
You: Pardon?
Me: Did you fuck!
You: What the fuck are you talking about?
Me: Busy my arse.
You: It was well hectic I'm telling you.
Me: You are fucking wrong.

Fucking hell I just had three cups of a fresh ground coffee called 'Kick Ass', the last one of which I 'enhanced' with a few gulps of said whiskey. As a consequence I feel I must run around the back yard roaring at the sky.

Not, that is, until I improve your life with this: Seahorses. Seahorses fucking rule.

Sirrah!

"Fuck the Panopticon". Me.

12 Comments:

At 8:24 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Strangely, I have also not shaved in 3 months. Must be El B's influence.

I'm still holding that geoduck farming thought...

 
At 6:02 pm, Blogger Philip said...

Seahorses may fucking rule, but seahorses that look like large lumps of earwax should consider fucking abdicating.

ydwfxxj:(Offens) the favoured expletive of Welsh geoduck farmers.

 
At 3:36 am, Blogger Andraste said...

Yes, I'm still holding that geoduck farming thing and it's starting to smell.

Grief can indeed fuck off. Call me shallow or hard, but I don't have any. I'm carrying my progenitors around in my DNA and therefore they're not really gone, are they?

 
At 2:39 am, Blogger Brewski said...

Fucking good point A-girl!
McShae I notice you have bestowed on me the title of 'genius' over at your site. You sick, sick fucker you. I am a genius, but only because I managed to put together a computer workstation the other day that had an alien instruction manual. It doesn't even wobble.

 
At 3:10 pm, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Did I? Shit, so I did. Must have been pissed. Sorry mate, won't let it happen again!

 
At 7:27 am, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd like to point out that the least successful blog of all time has an almost identical URL to yours. Check out www.hotrock.blogspot.com and laugh, or cry.

 
At 8:52 am, Blogger Binty McShae said...

Anon is right - that is piss-poor!

 
At 5:36 pm, Blogger Fat Sparrow said...

"I'd like to point out that the least successful blog of all time has an almost identical URL to yours. Check out www.hotrock.blogspot.com and laugh, or cry."

Definitely much less entertaining.

 
At 4:44 am, Blogger Belinda Cockbox said...

i've a shaven haven. wanna see mee pee pee.

 
At 3:13 am, Blogger Brewski said...

Erm.....no?

 
At 1:53 am, Anonymous geoduck said...

I love eating gooey ducks. My mother loves to make it with rice, tastes great! Though I do think you have to get used to the texture.

Check out http://www.gooey-duck.com/ for info.

 
At 2:34 am, Anonymous geoduck said...

I love eating gooey ducks. My mother loves to make it with rice, tastes great! Though I do think you have to get used to the texture.

Check out geoduck for info.

 

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